Broken Mirror Syndrome: The Crisis of Disconnection

Reconceptualizing the mental illness epidemic in the West

In late March 2020, while trapped living in lockdown with an ex-boyfriend I desperately wanted to get away from, I joined OKCupid looking for someone irresponsible enough to let me hang out at his place for a bit. One of the first men who messaged me, an athletic Northern European immigrant I’ll call “Lucas”, asked me to join him for a walk on the seawall within hours. I agreed.

I’d included a handful of links to my writing in my profile, including an essay in The Tyee criticizing “mental health awareness” campaigns and discussing the problem of narcissism in the West. Lucas was one of many men who bothered to read this essay before reaching out, and one of many who was keen to talk about what I had written.

Almost immediately, Lucas brought up his abusive, narcissistic parents and told me he had moved to Vancouver to escape his family (this turned out to be an extremely common story; within a week I’d go on dates with three other men who more or less said the same thing, and talk online to several others). He admitted he was enjoying the lockdowns and social distancing rules because he “hated” physical contact anyway—a not-uncommon trait among children of narcissists—but was devastated that the gyms were closed. I knew then there would be no second date, but continued to walk and talk to him because it was nice to be out of my apartment and away from my ex.

Then, about an hour into the date, Lucas confessed something that took me by surprise. “I’ve been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.”

“From what I’ve read,” I replied, “You can’t be that narcissistic if you’re willing to admit you’re a narcissist.”

He shook his head. “No, I am.” His relationships, both romantic and platonic, had all been failures, and he knew it was his fault. “I was abusive to my ex-girlfriend,” he lamented. “It’s good she got away from me.” He told me that since receiving his diagnosis a few years earlier, he had been actively trying to overcome his narcissism. “But even my reason for wanting to recover from narcissism is narcissistic.”

“How so?”

“I don’t want to be lonely.”

Standing six feet from him under the cloudy Vancouver sky, I smiled. “That’s not narcissistic at all,” I said. “That’s just human.”

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Broken Mirror Syndrome

Neither of us asked for a second date and I never saw Lucas again. But the conversation stuck with me. It’s been suggested to me that confessing his diagnosis was a manipulation tactic, but given he never tried to sleep with me (or even come closer than six feet), didn’t ask for a second date, and never mistreated me or tried to get anything out of me, I don’t think so. I wondered if Lucas was misdiagnosed, if Complex PTSD¹ would have been more accurate; but when I suggested this, he insisted both diagnoses described him. He struck me as more autistic than narcissistic—socially awkward, stilted but frank, nerdy, touch-avoidant—but, then again, his “mask” only slipped once in three hours, after I told him I was a fan of the TV show South Park, and he gasped and did a little dance, which lasted maybe two seconds before the walls sprung up and he once again was hiding in his shell.

One of my favourite songs — I can’t help but think of “narcissism” when I listen to it. I sent this to Lucas after our date. He responded with Bo Burnham’s “Art is Dead.”

I ask readers to humour me and set aside what they know about the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) and the ever-expanding list of labels described in its pages. The DSM is a tool of pharmaceutical companies and psychiatry to assign labels and to prescribe medications.² Diagnoses, generally speaking, are based on clusters of symptoms not causes or, as activists frequently point out, on the inner experiences of the patients. I’m more interested in the latter.

Instead, I’d like to talk about something I call Broken Mirror Syndrome or the Great Empty. In its extreme incarnation, when it appears alongside co-morbid chronic and worsening physical illness, I’ve referred to it as the Psychosomatic Hell Spiral.

What I call Broken Mirror Syndrome can present in many different ways and is given many symptom-based diagnostic labels (e.g. autism spectrum disorder, various personality disorders), depending on the individual. Neurologically, it is a condition of right hemisphere brain dysfunction or hypo-function, of trouble with the default mode network, of mechanistic and left hemisphere-dominant thinking. It is a condition of disconnection, from the self (the body), from others, from nature, from “Spirit” (or “God” or “spirituality”). Its core symptom, one that appears in every case, is a chronic feeling of emptiness.

This is why I also refer to “Broken Mirror Syndrome” as being in the “Great Empty.” The “Great Empty” is more abstract as a concept, but essentially is the dark space between one’s “authentic self” (or authentic self-expression) and the “mask” or “persona” that one feels compelled to put on for acceptance. As one falls deeper into the “Great Empty”, one becomes more disconnected. I like this abstraction because instead of painting this condition as a static diagnosis, it allows for the idea that one can fall further into the “Great Empty”, but also climb out. (The danger of trying to reach into the “Great Empty” to pull out another person, however, is that gravity is on their side, and too often they will just pull you into it with them).

Donald Winnicott is one of many successful psychologists and writers about parent-child attachment who seemingly has been all but completely memory-holed from university psychology curricula. His most famous quote goes:

“The mother gazes at the baby in her arms, and the baby gazes at his mother’s face and finds himself therein … provided that the mother is really looking at the unique, small, helpless being and not projecting her own expectations, fears, and plans for the child. This child would remain without a mirror, and for the rest of his life would be seeking this mirror in vain.”

The “mirror” metaphor comes up frequently in books and articles written for children of narcissists and parents with borderline personality disorder. Elan Golomb, another psychologist largely ignored by mainstream academia, wrote in Trapped in the Mirror (1995, page 28):

“Children of narcissists emerge from this crucible with a common and most serious problem. They feel that they do not have the right to exist. Their selves have been twisted out of their natural shape since any movement toward independence is treated as a betrayal and something that can cause the parent irreparable harm.”

Other symptoms include: hyperactivity, overachievement, intellectualization / cerebral-ness, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, validation-seeking, hypersensitivity, gullibility, impaired ability to authentically connect to others, people-pleasing, paranoia, poor boundaries, feeling trapped by expectations of how one should be, masking (creation of a “false self”), unstable identity, disordered eating, suicidality, anxiety disorders and a harsh inner critic, and a readiness to feel shame or guilt.

As the name suggests, it is also a disorder of broken mirroring. Other common symptoms include “mind-reading” (or the delusion of being able to read other people’s minds, in particular their thoughts about you), projection (attributing one’s own behaviours, emotions, characteristics, or impulses to another person or group without realizing it), and a deluded belief that one’s experiences are somehow more intense and unique than other people’s. These delusions of uniqueness and the belief that one is more “complex” than other people result in chronic feelings of being misunderstood and pathological loneliness.

We have mirror neurons in both brain hemispheres, however, as Iain McGilchrist points out, left hemisphere mirror neurons are activated when actions are object-directed and instrumental, whereas right hemisphere mirror neurons are activated when actions are non-instrumental.

“Mirror neurons are a means of understanding another’s intentions, amongst other things, and are not just about copying actions. They form part of our capacity to understand others and empathize with them.”

— Iain McGilchrist, The Master and His Emissary, page 58

In “Broken Mirror Syndrome”, the mirrors between parents and children are broken. The child, instead of imprinting onto their parents and other family members, imprints on to animals, objects, games, online friends, celebrities, and/or fictional characters in movies, television, and books.

“It is relevant that the important areas for mother-infant attachment, recognition of the mother’s face and voice, and of self-other distinction are all in the right hemisphere, which is normally dominant in early childhood.”

— Iain McGilchrist, The Matter With Things, page 322

These children are often hit with a double-whammy of trauma when they start grade school, as children (and adults) with anxious, avoidant, and/or disorganized attachment styles are more likely to struggle to make and keep friends than those with secure attachment and are at a high risk for rejection sensitive dysphoria (common in ADHD and autism). This could happen for any number of reasons: parental narcissism and/or parental addiction are common ones, but so are parents who are absent because of the financial need to work long hours.

The mirror breaks in other ways as well. Instead of developing a healthy relationship to nature, many people avoid the sun (hence the Vitamin D deficiencies common in various psychiatric conditions and developmental disorders) and eat highly-processed foods instead of whole foods. People with “Broken Mirror Syndrome” are also more likely to dissociate from their bodies (a common reaction to trauma and isolation), and if the right hemisphere is dysfunctional and the left hemisphere dominant, to also view their bodies as an assemblage of parts (what

Mary Harrington

refers to as a “Meat Lego” understanding of the human body) instead of a embodied whole made up of complex, interrelated systems. 

This condition also appears to come with increased androgyny (at least cognitive androgyny), which I discuss in greater detail in my essay, “The Androgynous Mind.”

People with “Broken Mirror Syndrome” are more likely to confuse pronouns when speaking and to refer to themselves in the third person. Returning to DSM diagnoses, this has been described in relation to narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and autism spectrum disorder. Multiple personality disorder would also be an extreme example of this. One could argue that the fixation on pronouns seen in the broad “trans” community is another example.

According to Iain McGilchrist, all of these conditions—as well as schizophrenia, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and anxiety disorders—are related to abnormalities or dysfunction in the right hemisphere of the brain.

I’ve discussed numerous contributing factors to the development of “Broken Mirror Syndrome” so far on this Substack. These include:

• Excessive interaction with written words (via books and screens, including communicating via text message) instead of in-person communication. (Note: this essay also includes a brief summary of McGilchrist’s ideas).

• Western (or “WEIRD”) parenting practices and “poisonous pedagogies” in parenting books (also see this essay for a broader overview of how this might be affecting children’s development, including pubertal development).

• Pushing academic, mechanistic, “left-hemisphere” dominant tasks on children too much and too early at the expense of social-emotional development and “right-hemisphere” dominant tasks.

• The rise in consumption of highly processed foods and synthetic nutrients.

In addition, I think there are numerous other environmental factors, in particular related to the use of petroleum-derived plastics, pharmaceuticals, and “food” additives such as dyes and various hormone disruptors. I also think disconnection from the sun (which we humans used to worship in part for its life-giving qualities) and low Vitamin D plays a huge role in physical and mental illness in general, in the development of various DSM “conditions”, and in the disconnection from nature aspect of what I call “Broken Mirror Syndrome”. I haven’t written about this (yet) but

A Midwestern Doctor

wrote a great essay on “Dermatology’s Disastrous War Against the Sun”, for those who are interested.

“Broken Mirror Syndrome” can be diagnosed as any number of conditions in the DSM (and most people will be diagnosed with more than one condition), including but not exclusive to: personality disorders, anxiety disorders, major depression disorder, autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, gender dysphoria, and dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder). It can also be described with the “folk diagnosis” of “complex PTSD”.

The diagnoses received will depend on any number of factors, including genetics, temperament, sex, gender expression / masculinity and femininity, and socio-economic, cultural, and familial context.

Many people are given more than one diagnosis, are given different diagnoses by different healthcare providers and mental health experts, and/or are told that they are difficult to diagnosis with a single label. As I mentioned, the DSM classifies conditions based on symptoms instead of causes or the inner experiences of patients. Someone like Lucas, my OKCupid date, might be a best fit for “narcissistic personality disorder”, but also seemed to have symptoms that fit other DSM labels as well (e.g. autism spectrum disorder, or one of the anxiety disorders). Many of these conditions come with a lot of stigma, and I think are poorly understood.

I think the concept of Broken Mirror Syndrome is a step toward resolving these issues.

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Extremism and the Gut

I have an uncomfortable (and likely unpopular) observation about “woke” activists: many of them seem to, loosely speaking, suffer from gastrointestinal distress, nutritional deficiencies (poor diet), addictions³ that would disrupt the gut microbiome, and other forms of brain-gut disturbances. There is an abnormally high rate of self-reported childhood trauma, and high rates of traits associated with various diagnoses found in the DSM, notably “Cluster B” disorders (antisocial, narcissistic, histrionic, and borderline personality disorders), autism spectrum disorder⁴, ADHD, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and various anxiety disorders. I’ve also noted a high rate of traumatic brain injury, chronic conditions related to autoimmune or hormonal dysfunction, and/or chronic pain conditions.

Essentially, “wokeness” appears to be largely a consequence of what I broadly refer to above as Broken Mirror Syndrome.

While I’m singling out “woke” ideology, I think these observations generally apply to all ideologies and cult-like thinking. People with Broken Mirror Syndrome seem to be more likely to get sucked into cults, period.

A strong sense of justice is associated with Broken Mirror Syndrome. This stems in part from a desire to be good (or at least be recognized as good) while simultaneously feeling that deep down, one is not good, or not recognized as such. It’s easy to understand how this could make someone vulnerable to “wokeness” and other moralist ideologies.

I have also observed that “wokeness” and Broken Mirror Syndrome appear to be more common among those of full or partial Germanic descent.⁵ This is hard to prove, of course, and I’m going by personal experience, by observation of online “woke” influencers, in particular those who identify themselves as part of the “LGBTQ+”, “neurodivergent”, and/or “chronic illness” communities, and by the observations of others both online and in my offline social circle.

Of course, I am not arguing that this ailment is exclusive to Germanic peoples (it’s not) or to “WEIRD” populations more broadly, nor am I arguing that all Germanic people have gut issues and/or are prone to extremism, or that everyone with gut issues will have extremist views or that all extremists have gut issues and “Broken Mirror Syndrome.” I’m arguing that “Broken Mirror Syndrome” and gastrointestinal disruption increase vulnerability to extremist thinking.

Modern-day Germany was ground zero for what psychologist Alice Miller called “poisonous pedagogies”, or toxic parenting ideas spread in parenting books, which, she argues, contributed to Germans becoming more narcissistic and vulnerable to totalitarian, paving the way for Nazi Germany.

The link between childhood abuse and neglect and chronic gastrointestinal issues is well-established (for example see here, here, here, and here). A history of childhood trauma has been reported in up to half of people diagnosed with “irritable bowel syndrome.”

It is my belief that multiple factors, including “poisonous pedagogical” parenting—which persists today—led Germanic peoples (and, later, those influenced by their ideas and culture) to become more left hemisphere dominant and to have more dysfunctional right hemispheres (i.e. more individualistic, more mechanistic, more narcissistic, more reductionistic, and less holistic, less connected to their own bodies, to nature, to other people, and to spirituality). This contributed to Germans (and other people influenced by their poisonous pedagogies) having unhealthy interpersonal relationships, unhealthy relationships to their own bodies (including disrupted gut), and an unhealthy relationship to both nature and to God/spirituality.⁶

In other words, to higher rates of Broken Mirror Syndrome.

Again, I’m not claiming this is exclusive to Germanic people. (My historic research has, generally speaking, been very Eurocentric and I recognize this as a weakness). TIKHistory has this interesting video pointing out “a concerning pattern” in the childhoods of major “socialist” figures from around the world. His description (high altruism / justice-orientation, poor relationship with parents and other influential adults, self-hatred, and a reluctance to grow up and become independent) sounds a lot like what I’m calling “Broken Mirror Syndrome”. As well, many significant figures such as Hitler and Mussolini famously had chronic gastrointestinal issues. TIK’s description also matches non-socialist reformers, such as Martin Luther (who also famously had a bunch of gut issues, and, like a lot of the guys in this video, was a notorious antisemite).

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When I started writing this essay months ago, I originally intended to end on an optimistic note about how I think almost anyone can heal from Broken Mirror Syndrome. Thousands of words have been written and removed from this post, which I’ve struggled to finish.

The problem is I’m recognizing that my original stance was very, very naive.

In the spring and summer of 2020, my now-husband and I went on a psychedelics bender, doing what many people would consider to be insane amounts of magic mushrooms and experimenting with other psychedelics such as MDMA and ketamine.

We both experienced what felt like miraculous healing, a disruption of unhealthy patterns we were stuck in. I was suffering from severe depression, anxiety, and chronic migraines and gastrointestinal issues; the mushrooms healed the gut issues and migraines and pulled me out of the Great Empty. My husband was also depressed, and had spent the previous six years in addiction. The mushrooms helped him quit as of our second date / mushroom-bender.

We were both embedded in very “woke” communities at the time, and this experience helped us break out of the ideology and start thinking more critically and freely.

I’ve also heard anecdotal stories about other people who came out of addiction and/or healed gastrointestinal issues / poor diet, and then were able to shake off ideological thinking.

Because of our experience, I spent a lot of time convinced that psilocybin mushrooms were the literal magic solution to our current malaise.

But, of course, this was magical thinking.

Psychedelics aren’t for everyone. They helped us, but our experience was also unique in that we fell in love at the same time. It’s impossible to separate out the benefits of the mushrooms from the healing power of love and the fact that we both suddenly had someone to talk to about our various doubts etc.

And, perhaps most importantly, we’re both fairly open-minded people, and we both wanted to get better. We were ready to hear the hard messages that magic mushrooms can impart, to make radical lifestyle changes, and to examine and integrate our shadows. In high doses, magic mushrooms can kind of feeling like you’re getting “Christmas-Carolled” or playing Am-I-The-Asshole with God. If you aren’t prepared to do the hard work of seeing yourself more objectively, this can be psychologically devastating.

A still from the 2022 Ryan Reynolds / Will Ferrell “Christmas Carol”-style comedy Spirited (which I’m a fan of, naturally).

There’s still a big part of me that sees the best in people, and wants to believe that anyone can heal, can change their mind, can open themselves up, can pull themselves out of the Great Empty.

Some things I still believe:

• It is extremely difficult to heal and change your mind when you are deep in addiction, on certain pharmaceutical drugs, or have an unhealthy gut-disrupting diet or gut dysbiosis that prevents neuroplasticity.

• In these cases, treating the gut issues and addiction(s) may be necessary first step toward changing one’s mind (as they say, the best way to reach someone’s heart is through their stomach). Our consciousness is greatly affected by our gut microbiome. We are multi-organisms, one and many at the same time. A disrupted gut is a disrupted brain. A well-functioning immune system also helps with immunity to propaganda and groupthink.

• Love is medicine.

• For most people with Broken Mirror Syndrome, reconnection and repairing the mirror is at least somewhat possible.

• Magic mushrooms can help a lot of people, but not everyone. (And for those who wish to try it, my magical tea recipe, healing story, and advice is available to readers here … proceed with caution).

I’m going to wrap this up with a metaphor that’s been rolling around in my mind for years. I think there are (loosely speaking) two ways of writing and creating art; the vampire way and the werewolf way. Both werewolves and vampires are damaged creatures, capable of hurting other people.

But the vampire cannot see themselves in the mirror. In creating art or writing or philosophy (etc), they seek to extract from others—money, fame, affirmation, etc. The vampire artist is deep in the Great Empty; this is the narcissist, the broken mirror, the wendigo. The chronically empty, seeking to fill the void.

The werewolf, on the other hand, howls to the moon to see who howls back. The werewolf is seeking kinship when he or she writes or creates art.

And that’s what this Substack is—a howling to the world, and hoping others will howl back.

AI image of a werewolf howling, created by Illeryia.

I wish I had a stronger ending for this one, but I honestly don’t know.

Just sending out a howl to everyone with Broken Mirror Syndrome, to everyone in the Great Empty. To all the other werewolves out there, crying out and waiting to hear who cries back.

Sending love,

Meghan

Edit: For the sake of balance, here’s

Josh Slocum

on why you shouldn’t blame drugs (or diet or anything) for bad behaviour caused by personality pathology: “No, it’s not “the drugs”.” I realize I can be a bit of a sap but at the same time, I’m slowly becoming a little more realistic.

1. A controversial folk diagnosis that is not included in the DSM, despite a campaign by many mental health professionals for it to be included in the last two editions (“5” and “5-TR”).

2. Two good books I’ve read addressing this issue are: Saving Normal: An Insider's Revolt Against Out-Of-Control Psychiatric Diagnosis, DSM-5, Big Pharma, and the Medicalization of Ordinary Life (2013) by Dr. Allen Frances and The Truth About the Drug Companies: How They Deceive US and What To Do About It (2004) by Dr. Marcia Angell.

3. The common addictions among “wokes” I’ve observed are alcohol, refined sugars and processed foods, marijuana, SSRIs and other anti-depressants, and various stimulant drugs such as caffeine, cocaine, and pharmaceuticals for ADHD such as amphetamines (refined sugar could also fall under the “stimulant” category).

4. See

Toby Rogers

, “Many of the central tenets of progressivism are actually autistic traits” (his observations are relevant here, but I personally doubt his argument that “vaccine injuries” are the primary cause).

5. I am using the broader term “Germanic” to refer to all peoples who are fully or largely descended from the Germanic tribes. This includes most Northern Europeans (excluding groups like the Finnish and the Sami), most Western Europeans (in particular among the more affluent classes, excluding Celtic populations), Icelanders, and their descendants in the colonies. To a lesser extent, there is some Germanic influence in Southern and Eastern Europe, depending on region and class (e.g. Northern Italians have considerably more Germanic genetic and cultural influence than Southern Italians). Ashkenazi Jewish people from Germanic countries would also be affected by Germanic cultural and genetic influences. Obviously, I’m oversimplifying a complicated history here and many people (myself included) have a mix of Germanic and non-Germanic ancestry and cultural influence.

6. I’ve spilled a lot of words about this, so please visit my archive for more essays if you want a deeper dive. “The Lost Girls and Boys”, both “Dangers of Reading Too Much” essays, and my critical review of Abigail Shrier’s Bad Therapy are good places to start.